Inhuman.

Isn't that all that I've been made up from. One pathetic miserable soul, into this world, feeling the deadliest sins ever, going through all these pain and misery to form that one person I've become, a mean and self centered fag. What made me into this, I would blame the surroundings, but isn't it one's mind that controls what you really want to be, what you really want to achieve, and how to control your heartfelt emotions. Getting jealous about the littlest things that aren't even worth mentioning, hurting others just to fulfill your littlest fantasies, to make yourself feel a little better then you were, just for a second. And in the end, you'll go back into your sad world, having only pity for yourself and no one else. Get a life, stop the vulgarities, but for that fraction of a second that very hurtful words leave this giant unthinking mouth of mine, things go back to just like how it was before, chaotic, noisy, vulgar. Being optimistic or pessimistic depends on what you really want inside, not anything else but only you. I'm trying so hard to be pessimistic and angry over nothing at all, literally nothing it drives me to the wall. I would love to say its the weather that's screwing my head, frying my brains in one way or another, but it isn't, its all just me and my jealousy, my self centered-ness and all those shit I think I really want. Would these matter in a year or two? I doubt so, but would these stuff that I do now affect what is going to happen next? Maybe, maybe not. But there's always this slight possibility, a teeny bit that bugs your guilty conscious, about the wrong doings and the things you could have not done, if not for that sinful heart of yours thats thinking to make the worst out of everything. So now, I've just got to start thinking straight and be optimistic, cause if thats what I wana be, I'm gonna make it happen. Today was a rainy day, but the rainbows always come out after the rain. I love life.